She Knows

Alexandra--my two year old--knows something is up. I mean, it's pretty obvious: I have a huge basketball strapped to my tummy, my agility and ability to play has been greatly compromised, and I eat approximately 1/4 a watermelon a day when it's over 85 degrees...Even a toddler could pick up on the clues; she knows something is up and/or about to change.

Lately, she has been crazily attached to me. She laid in her crib last night and sang "Twinkle twinkle little star" but all the words were replaced with "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy." She wants me to bathe her and put her to bed every night. She wants to hold my hand when crossing the street. She has been super emotional lately, and she wants me to snuggle her and scratch her back and rub her head when she's moody. When I went on my femme date the other night, she had a veritable meltdown. She senses this life we have is about to shift.

And in some ways it breaks my heart, especially as an oldest child. I remember my sister coming home. Granted, I was three instead of two, but all the photos have me scowling at Amy, sulking in the background, or glaring at her with my lower lip sticking out. I know Alexandra's life as she knows it--the life where she is truly the center of our universe--is about to end, and I feel sad for her. But I also know that if we didn't have another kid, we'd probably totally spoil her and she'd turn out to be a total turd of a kid, hence why we wanted more than one child. But it's all so hard to reconcile.

But last night she really got me. I was putting her down for the fifth or sixth time (she is cutting her two-year old molars and I think they were keeping her from falling asleep--they are HUGE!), and I was scratching her back and saying "I love you, Alexandra" and she replied, "I love you" for the first time, through her spitty, slurred pacifier speech. Granted, she may have been merely parroting me, but it made my heart melt.

She only has a few more weeks to be our only child. I'm going to spoil her as much as possible during them.