Tuesday, November 30, 2010

febrile virus

So Nico has a virus. A febrile virus, characterized by a high fever. 103 yesterday. 102 today. Yesterday, he had a little febrile seizure. I was holding him and putting him down for a nap after having picked him up at daycare early b/c of said fever. I had just motrin-ed him b/c we couldn't get into the doctor until 3:30, and as I was putting him in the crib he started shaking a little and his long legs went straight and he started looking from right to left like he'd suddenly been transported to another planet and had no idea what the eff just happened--it was scary.

Well, it was scary after I realized what it was. While he was doing it I was more like, "Dude! I"m right here! Whatcha lookin' at?" Until I realized later that that'd been a fever-induced seizure. Then I stared at him on the video monitor all last night, afraid something bad would happen. Repeat that vigilance today. And right now, at midnight, video monitor next to me on the couch as entire family sleeps but me.

All day he's been kinda weird and crazy, the way we all feel with a high fever. The last time I had a fever like this was in February of 2008. Alexandra was 8 months old. I had a fever so high I couldn't walk myself to the doctor; Adam had to take me. They just told me it was a virus and gave me some mask to wear while breastfeeding. I laid in bed delirious while our nanny kept Alexandra out of our germ-y apartment all day. The worst part was Kat, my downstairs neighbor, had just had her son Luca, and our floors were so thin they might as well have not existed. Luca kept crying that tiny but powerful newborn wail, and each time he'd cry I'd lactate, but I was too feverish to get up and pump, so then I got clogged ducts in both breasts. Awesome.

But I digress.....

When one of the kids gets sick like this I go into panic mode. There's that horrible part of me that's just waiting for them to evaporate out of our lives like little clouds of steam. They both seem so fragile, still, and so dependent on us. And when there's something like this--a virus--and you can't do anything except wait it out I'm in agony. I don't sleep well, I have dreams of the kids dying. I recall every horror story I have heard of someone losing a child. Suddenly, our entire family seems so delicate...I mean, I guess it's delicate all the time, but at times like this I realize it.

I'm even afraid to post this. But if I post it, it's like Murphy's Law, right, and then nothing bad can happen?

Am I the only mother out there who goes bonkers like this?

THIS, world, is why all our mothers are nuts.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Is it possible...

...to get fat in one weekend?

Swear to god.

I have been so stressed between work and my dissertation that I have actually dropped weight this fall even though my unhealthy self has not set foot in the Y on a regular basis since early August. Yes, you read that correctly: EARLY AUGUST.

But, as bad as it is, stress does work some metabolic magic. So, in spite of my lack of aerobic activity, I'd been feeling kinda slim. I am even back in the 130's--closet to my pre-pregnancy #1 weight that I've ever been.

Well, today I felt fat. Like, my-lovehandles-are-buldging-out-of-my-jeans-that-are-my-"fat"-jeans fat. WTF?

Honestly, I ate a bit more than normal on Thanksgiving, but after that I went on a three day writing hibernation at my friend Amy and James's house (I love them so much) during which I mainly drank copious amounts of tea and ate a few too many cookies, but nothing totally crazy in terms of diet. Yes, I sat on my ass for three days straight staring at a computer screen with no bodily movement minus trips to the bathroom and minor dance parties in their kitchen, but today I feel like I haven't hit the gym since August. Just soft...in all the wrong places.

So, I guess I should start the New Year's Resolutions early. I was going to go to the gym tonight, but Nico got a fever and I had to leave work early and......(you see how well this is going to work?).

Meh.

Friday, November 26, 2010

The Next Wes Craven

As you all know from prior blog posts I used to be obsessed with horror movies, but, ever since I had kids, I can't watch them for some reason. I can't even hear someone talking about them or I lay awake at night envisioning the demon from "Paranormal Activity" dragging some guy out by his pajama pants and it being caught on video tape while Adam snoozes next to me. I can literally work myself up into a full-blown anxiety attack over stupid shit like that. I have issues.

So, the other morning as Alexandra followed me from bedroom to bathroom and back again while I was hurriedly getting ready for work, she started telling me this story and I had to pause and look at her with a "WTF?" look on my face.

Alexandra's story:

The little girl was sleeping in her bed and she heard a noise outside. She went outside to see what it was because it sounded like her daddy talking, but it wasn't her daddy, it was a strange man. He was outside; it wasn't her daddy. But then the noise was coming from a bush and it was birds in the bush making the noise. And the girl went back inside and the strange man stayed in the yard because it was the birds making the noise in the bush...it wasn't her daddy.

(You have to understand that Alexandra has dramatic hand gestures when she tells stories that will rival any old Italian grandmother.)

Okay, what the hell is that? Freakin' scary! She's composing mini-children's horror movies in her small head. Terrifying. Freaky. Absurd.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thankful for Slips

The past two Thanksgivings I have blogged about the small, random things I am thankful for (those posts are here and here). These small things are the items that make life more sane for me. Of course I am thankful for my health, my beautiful family, and my amazing friends. I am honestly thankful for them everyday. But it's the small things that go unnoticed in the daily grind of work, daycare pick up, my dissertation, & life. I don't have the brain power to think of six things this year, so here's the one thing that has rocked my world recently:

SLIPS!

Oh my god, where have slips been all my life? I haven't worn once since my First Communion (and I still have that slip & dress!), but this fall brought out the rebirth of the slip in my life. I ordered this tshirt a-line dress and when I went to put it on there was just too much VPL for my liking (that's Visible Panty Line for those of you not in the know). I mean, I teach high school kids all day long, and they'll notice your panty line and comment on it to their friends loud enough for you to hear--the joys of my job. So, I tried with dress with a thong. Well, you could TELL I was wearing a thong. That's NO better with the 16-18 crowd. I was at a total loss when I found this old half slip that I have had since the beginning of time and slipped it on (haha) and it was m-a-g-i-c! Not only did it disguise the VPL, but it smoothed down some unwanted baby love that has taken up residence on my ass.

I rocked my little half slip and few times and then I upgraded and got a full body slip. OMG. It's pure poetry. It smooths down the belly flab that's hanging out since the birth of our two kids and the advent of this academic year which has prohibited me from setting foot in a gym. I'm sold.

But I warn you: I got a Spanx slip (just getting a little overzealous on the magic a slip might be able to do for me) and it sucked. It rode up and didn't really pull anything in that drastically. And it was too expensive. So, don't go there. Stick with the old school version.

I am currently obsessed with the new HBO show Boardwalk Empire during which many fancy and pretty slips are featured. That has definitely helped fuel my new love. And, isn't "slip" a great word? It just slides off the tongue. So pretty.

Advice to all of all you mamas out there with evidence of your childbearing years lingering in your lovehandles, you belly, your derriere, or your extended derriere I highly recommend a good slip. They're not your grandmother's underwear anymore.

(Above image is a "Freudian slip"--couldn't resist.)

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Outta Here

I just wanted for formally announce that I'm outta here. Where? The public school classroom.

I'm just going to up and go into a completely new sector of employment where I have no formal education, training, or experience. Why? Because I'm a pretty damn superstar teacher and I have shown exemplary success in getting kids who are stubborn, defiant, low-leveled, and downright nasty how to write an essay to pass the New York State Regents Exam, how to act and enjoy a play, and how to analyze literature. I know how to differentiate content, process, and product. I know how to work with multiple learning modalities. I am trained in the new National Core Curriculum Standards. I also know how to deal with a kid who calls me a "Fucking White bitch" in class and I know how to gently talk to a student whose grandmother--who raised him after his dad abandoned the family when he was five--is dying of cancer. I know more about the Bloods and Crips than your average White person; I know the neighborhoods of Brooklyn and how gangs and neighborhoods affect the in's and out's of daily school life. Oh yeah, and I have a Masters in English Education and almost a doctorate in Education. I have eleven years of teaching experience in low-performing urban schools with students who are socio-economically struggling. So, why the hell shouldn't I be able to do anything?! Right?

That seems to be the logic of our mayor, Mr. Michael Bloomberg, who has once again demonstrated that he believes educators are unfit to run the education system.

Bloomberg's appointment of Cathie Black, Hearst Magazines chairwoman, to become the Chancellor the New York City Public Schools is illustrative of how he feels about educators. The New York City Department of Education has over 100,000 employees--classroom teachers, assistant principals, principals, regional employees, city employees--and out of ALL of these individuals who have classroom experience, formal education IN education, and management experience he could not find a single person to fill Klein's position as Chancellor? Forget the City and look outside the system, too. But the problem isn't that there are not qualified people; the problem is that he didn't look for anyone with experience in education.

Like any shamelessly self-promoting zealot, Bloomberg believes that his business model that has effectively made him ridiculously rich is the only model for education. The students are clients. The teachers are worker bees. The administration is middle management. Honestly, I don't take issue with this business-like hierarchy. What I do find problematic is that the new Queen Bee for our educational hive--the largest public school system in the nation--is not an educator, is not trained in education, nor has ever personally experienced life in any public school as a student or a parent. How is that even possible?

Along those lines, I'm going to go run my husband's well-established and respected architecture firm. Sure, I don't know anything about city codes, the politics of developing urban spaces, building budgets, or even how a building gets built from the ground up without falling over, but I manage about 80 students a day and am responsible for the professional development of my 80 fellow co-workers (as their Master Teacher), so, shoot, I'm qualified enough. Right? The same goes for any profession. Maybe I'll skip over architecture (not really enough money) and run an investment firm, or car manufacturing plant, or decide to perform some surgeries at a hospital...The options are endless when your education and experience in no way determine your employment trajectory.

Education needs to be run by educators. Any chancellor needs to have spent time in a classroom. Even if s/he spent five years in a classroom, then got her/his MBA and ran Citibank for 15 years and then returns to education--that's legitimate. But hiring someone from publishing, for god's sake, who has no education experience is ludicrous. And it's disrespectful to those of us who have spent our lives both working in and studying about education, poverty, immigration, curriculum, policy, race, literacy, and the history of education in order to make ourselves better teachers and leaders in schools.

Cathie Black, a reluctant welcome to the jungle to you. May you all prove of us wrong, but somehow I doubt you will.