acupuncture makes you pregnant

I recently posted a warning on facebook that advised friends not to have unprotected sex in December because it lands you at 9+/- months pregnant in August. And, unless you live in Alaska, I think that being 9 months pregnant in August anywhere is akin to living in hell. And, if you're having a "mild" summer (as everyone keeps telling me while I restrain myself from hitting them), a "mild" version of hell IS STILL HELL ladies and gentlemen. So there.

But I feel I must come clean.

Quite honestly, we don't know how we got pregnant this time. We took all necessary precautions (condoms), and while we did engage in some pre-holiday lovin' it's not like we were rabbits or anything. I mean, gosh, for Christmas I was at my mom's house--the biggest libido killer on earth. I can only think of one thing:

My dear friend Mona, acupuncturist extraordinaire, offered a holiday special for December--$50 acupuncture treatments. I was in. I love acupuncture. I had only used it twice before for very specific treatments (chronic calf injury from running, depression post-miscarriage), but I thought I'd try out a simple overall wellness treatment. As I chatted it up with Mona pre-needle-sticking, she asked if all was well. Pretty much, yeah. I had no major ailments, was finally feeling my old self 18 months after Alexandra's birth, and was doing okay. Except...

Any of you who have had kids know that post-baby, intimacy takes on a new form. I found that while breastfeeding, my libido was shot, gone, vamos, adios, sex? What? Ewww...gross. I had weaned Alexandra in August and it had come back slowly, but--you know--I wanted it back full force. My body was pretty much back and I wanted to put it to use.

I tentatively asked Mona if there was an acupuncture point that would jump start my libido. She said, "Of course, but it's in an intimate spot." Thinking she was going to have to put a needle THERE, I got nervous, but then she told me the spot is right at the tip of your tailbone, pretty much at the top of your crack. "Are you comfortable with this? This is our first treatment together." I think I laughed at her. After having a baby in a room full of people, having someone see the tip of my buttcrack didn't even register on my scale of embarrassment. "Go for it," I told her.

Three weeks later my period was late.

Moral of the story: Acupuncture can increase your libido...and get you pregnant.