In an effort not to read academic articles last night I pulled out my big ol' file of materials from the birthing classes we took when pregnant with Alexandra. As I have mentioned, we have done nothing to prepare for this birth--no class, no hospital visit, no reading, nada. I started thinking it was time.
The material wasn't new to me--I remember the phases: early labor, active labor, transition; I remember the positions: walking stairs, leaning over bed, on birthball, the "slow dance" (which doesn't work for us b/c husband is too tall), etc. I read through all the packets of information from RealBirth (the best place ever to take birth classes in NYC, if anyone needs some) and laid in bed TERRIFIED.
Why is it that having done this before is bringing me so little solace? I know I can do it, but I am scared to do it all again. I vividly remember how much it hurt, how my poo-cat looked and felt afterwards, and how much I screamed my head off. And I know that eventually, things go back to a new normal of sorts, but the body is never really the same (esp the girl parts). I also remember the incredible joy of holding Alexandra for the first time, the instant stoppage of pain once she was out, and the surge of oxytocin that was like no high I had ever experienced. So why am I freaking out?
I guess this is a case of ignorance is bliss.
Photo of Alexandra right after birth, June 25th, 2007
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