Santa as a Conspiracy Theory

Adam and I wrestled with the Santa concept and what to tell Alexandra. I wasn't told that Santa exists. Coming from a very religious house, Jesus was the only reason for the season and that was that. We got presents and all, but they were from mom and dad and there were no cookies for Santa, letters, blah blah blah. Overall, I don't feel this detracted from my childhood at all. Adam's family, on the other hand, was all about Santa. So, we had to sit down and decide what we wanted to do for our family. After much negotiation we decided that Santa will come, he will fill stockings only (we're trying to avoid the whole materialistic Santa angle), and we'll do the whole Santa myth. Alexandra is already on board. It's really quite amazing how quickly they pick up on a storyline.

It seems like we weren't the only ones trying to figure out what to do with Santa. A dialogue was posted on our local neighborhood listserv about what to tell kids about Santa. Lots of interfaith families (particularly Jewish/Christian) struggle with it as well, and the perspectives vary greatly. But one mom's post was my favorite. It reads:

My son (at age 10 or 11) logically explained,
"Santa Claus MUST be real. Otherwise, it would mean that there was
some GIANT conspiracy, and EVERYONE got together and agreed to lie to
all their children that there is a Santa Claus. And sing songs on
the radio about him, and decorate all the stores, and play movies on
TV, and put up a tree in your house. It's just not possible that
EVERYONE would be lying."

"What, and you become a grownup, they pull you aside, and say 'Oh,
also, Santa doesn't really exist, but don't tell the kids! Keep
playing along and pretend he's real!' It just doesn't make any sense
that a lie that big, that massive, could possibly be pulled off. So
there must really be a Santa Claus."

You're absolutely right, I told him.

This is killed me. Santa as a conspiracy! From the mouths of babes come words of wisdom, no doubt.

Merry Christmas everyone! May your night be filled with family, love, and a smidge of conspiracy!

A Year of Books

"Chatting" with an old friend from middle school/high school about a year ago on Facebook revealed a couple of things I didn't know about her. One, she is a rabid Jane Austen fan. Two, she tries to read 50 books per year. I thought that seemed like a good idea (50 books per year, not Jane Austen rabidity), so I have kept a running list of all the books I read this year. I only made it through 30, but I figured that was pretty good. Here's my tally (* means reread for the 2nd time):

1. Netherland by: Joseph O'Neill (great NYC setting with cricket. love cricket.)

2. Unaccustomed Earth by: Jhumpa Lahiri (my fave of hers so far)

3. Pride & Prejudice by: Jane Austen (such a great soap opera of a novel)

4. Made in America: Immigrant Students in our Public Schools by: Laurie Olsen (a decent read for an academic book)

5. The Wind Up Bird Chronicle by: Haruki Murakami (LOVED this book. not sure why, but it was beautiful.)

6. The Road by: Cormac McCarthy (horrifying and realistic)

7. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close* by: Jonathan Safron Foer (best 9/11 novel; best child protagonist)

8. Sister of My Heart by: Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni (started slow, good middle, blah end)

9. The Blue Sweater by: Jacqueline Novogratz (see review here)

10. A Saint on Death Row by: Thomas Cahill (Texas: you suck)

11. My Antonia by: Willa Cather (don't think I could have been a pioneer, but those who were were bad a**es)

12. A Hope in the Unseen: An American Odyssey from the Inner City to the Ivy League by: Ron Suskind (amazing and illuminating)

13. The Ventriloquist's Tale* by: Pauline Melville (second read didn't like as much)

14. The Robber Bride by: Margaret Atwood (don't like her stuff unless it's about the end of the world and decided that during this novel)

15. Oral History by: Lee Smith (gothic and creepy and love the South!)

16. Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? by: Beverly Tatum (transformative stuff on racial identity formation)

17. Birth: The Surprising History of How We Are Born* by: Tina Cassidy (fascinating and amazing anthropological and historical look at birth)

18. My Brother by: Jamaica Kincaid (oh jamaica, we have the same family issues...)

19. The Skin I'm In by: Sharon Flake (Young Adult--YA--book)(not bad, abrupt end)

20. Monster by: Walter Dean Myers (YA book)(liked a lot, actually)

21. Annie John* by: Jamaica Kincaid (didn't like as much 2nd time)

22. Prospect Park West by: Amy Sohn (trashy book about Park Slope, my 'hood. fun read.)

23. The Outsiders by: S.E. Hinton (had never read before!)

24. Farenheit 451 by: Ray Bradbury (loved it)

25. Angela's Ashes by: Frank McCourt (wowza, wish this guy had taught me)

26. Flowers for Algernon by: Daniel Keyes (weird book, man.)

27. The Joy Luck Club by: Amy Tan (meh--didn't like)

28. The Year of the Flood by: Margaret Atwood (great, not excellent)

29. Oryx and Crake* by: Margaret Atwood (both books are better together)

30. Eclipse* by: Stephenie Meyer (after seeing New Moon I couldn't remember what happened next so I reread Eclipse. the writing is awful, but so much fun)

31. Every Time A Rainbow Dies by: Rita Williams-Garcia (YA book) (good)

32. Sisters on the Homefront by: Rita Williams-Garcia (YA book) (better)

33. Nurture Shock: New Thinking About Children by: Po Bronsen and Ashley Merryman (I think the writing is pretty awful, but good/interesting ideas)

Student Metrocards

This week it was decided to slowly phase out the student metrocards here in New York City. For you guys unfamiliar with school transportation here, after elementary school there is really no such thing as zoned schools like in the suburbs. Well, there are, and if you're in a good zone you're psyched, but for a lot of this city if you're in a zone where the middle and high schools are less than appealing you try to get out and into schools in other parts of your borough or the city at large. You escape from your zone school by taking middle and high school entrance exams and your grades. These exams are no joke. There are cram schools, books, and tutors who specialize in getting your kid to pass the high school entrance exam (the Stuyvesant Exam) here in NYC. I swear, getting into Harvard might be easier.

But even for those kids who don't make it into the four top high schools of the city, getting out of your 'hood and into a different environment is important to them and their families. For example, the school where I teach. I work in Cobble Hill, at Cobble Hill School of American Studies. Cobble Hill is a very nice neighborhood. The two main streets are lined with expensive boutiques and restaurants, the brownstones (even ones in need of gut renovation) start at a million dollars, and the elementary schools are excellent. It's the safest precinct in Brooklyn as Cobble Hill was the first neighborhood to house the Italians when they left Little Italy in Manhattan, and all the mafioso grand-daddies are still there. It's beautiful--I can't afford to live there.

However the high school in Cobble Hill where I teach is less than okay. I would never let my kids go there. The test scores are low, the students enter reading at approximately a 4th grade level, and we have a lot of fights. We became a metal detector school this year. The students are lovely kids, and I work with some incredible educators, but we have no art teacher, few extracurriculars, and it's just not the environment I want my kids to have their high school experience in.

So who goes to this school? NOT the kids in Cobble Hill. The students come from Red Hook, Fort Greene, Clinton Hill, Bed-Stuy, East New York, Carnarsie, Sunset Park, Coney Island, and Bushwick. They commute to our school on multiple trains and buses, some for over an hour, just so they can escape their zone school and come to school in a safer neighborhood.

Keep in mind that over 80% of my students live below the poverty level.

Students currently receive free metrocards to come to school each day. They are assigned these metrocards in the beginning of the school year; they get three swipes each school day between the hours of 5:30am and 8:30pm which allows for them to get to an extracurricular activity or job afterschool. Currently the cost of a swipe to get on a bus or subway is $2.25, which make the metrocard valued at $6.75 per school day, about $34 a week, about $135 a month or $1280 for the school year (180 days of school).

Now you tell me, if a kid can't afford to eat lunch, wash his/her clothes, or is living in a shelter (common issues in my school) are they going to be able to pay that money to get to school? Hell, no.

Guess the city isn't THAT worried about their graduation rates after all.
(article in the Times on this situation)

You're a Sucky Parent Awards

Back when Adam and I first met, we had this idea that we wanted to make stickers that said "Bad Walker" and just stick them on folks who stopped immediately on a busy sidewalk, who walked like they were drunk (w/o being so), or who took up too much space. Last weekend I wanted a variation of this idea, a "You're a Sucky Parent" award to give out to some families I saw at brunch on Sunday. Here's the story:

My birthday is two weeks after Alexandra's. For those with kids, you'll understand the hype that goes into celebrating a birthday, therefore by the time Alexandra's day has come and gone we are out of birthday spirit for a bit. I love birthdays, but this year in particular we did nothing for mine as my birthday was right after Alexandra's two year old bash, my mom/stepdad visiting, and one week before we moved. And I was huge and pregnant. The day came and went with minimal fanfare.

Adam then proceeds to feel guilty about the pooh-pooh by birthday received after I give him a kick ass birthday (like I said, I heart birthdays), so he decided we needed a do-over this year. So, my unofficial birthday was celebrated on Sunday, December 13th, which is my second birthday as it was the day I was adopted by my parents. We decided to go to brunch at Bubby's to celebrate. It's not a fancy place, but it's a small schlep from our house to Dumbo and it happened to be pouring rain which made the journey even more purposeful. If we were going out in the rain with two kids, we were going to get our brunch on in a serious manner.

Bubby's is great b/c there's lots of room (a rarity in the city) and it's very kid friendly. In fact, they have a kid wing of the restaurant where there are some grimy plastic toys in a play corner and they corral all the parents and kids in this one area. Good strategy I must say, but annoying when you're surrounded by douchebag parents.

Now I understand that some days your kids are satan's spawn and no amount of good parenting will change that. But the sense of entitlement that the parents exuded was disgusting. One family across from me had two toddler boys. The dad sat reading the Times and the mom staring off into space (huh?) while their kids proceeded to throw food all over, wander to tables and antagonize other patrons, and be loud and annoying. Their 18 mo old came over to our table, took Alexandra's crayons, ripped her coloring sheet away, stole some cutlery, etc. I was trying to politely tell this kid to go back to mommy/daddy but he was with us for about 7 minutes (no lie) until his dad put down the Times and got him. Seriously, dude, I do not want to watch your friggin' kid for you while I'm holding my baby, dealing with my toddler, and trying to sip a bloody mary. Step up. Those two needed a "You're a Sucky Parent" award. Big time. And when the mom stood up she was 8+ months pregnant. God help us.

Then they left and were replaced by a diva-esque mom with a 4 year old boy sporting a stylish faux-hawk. This kid was--no exaggeration--running laps around the restaurant. All over. Bumping into waiters carrying trays with hot coffee, speeding up and down the stairs, and his mom was lamely saying, "Sit down now." "I'm serious." "Come here." but she never once got off her derriere to put this kid in a seat, give him a time out, or whatever. He was out.of.control. WTF? A "You're a Sucky Parent" award was very much needed.

I know how hard it is to be a parent, but I am very conscious of my kids and us out in public. Going out for a nice brunch isn't an every weekend event for us, and I just wanted these folks to get it together so that I wouldn't be distracted by their lack of parenting skills. Sad thing is, these kids are probably going to grow up to be douchebags like their parents and it's really not their fault, it's just a case of sucky parenting.

Toddler Negotiations

When I picked Alexandra up from daycare yesterday, she proudly ran to me and told me that she had taken a nap without her beloved "pass" (pacifier) and that she was a big girl. She went on to list who else no longer used a pass (Luca, Daniel) and other reasons why she was a big girl (she pooped in the potty Sunday night and peed in the potty all day Monday). Adam jumped on this initiative as reason to evict the pass from our house for good, starting with last night. I told her that if she made it through the night sans pass we'd go to the store today to get her a special candy. It was all set up and seemed foolproof.

Then the 45 minute tantrum ensued.

Let me just say that Adam is a god when Alexandra loses her sh*t. I cave immediately. I wanted to give the pass, could NOT deal with her screaming fit, and was about to have one myself and Adam just negotiated with her as if she was some sort of terrorist and this was a hostage situation. Here's how it went:

Adam: Get in your bed, Alexandra.
Alex: Pass.
Adam: Do you want your lovey?
Alex: Pass!!!
Adam: Do you want the light on?
Alex: Pass!!!!!!!!!
Adam: Goodnight Alexandra. I love you.
Alex: Pass! Pass! Pass!
Adam: Go back in your room, Alexandra.
Alex: Pass!

And so forth for 45 minutes. In between the repetitive demands for Pass!!! Alexandra also used the pee pee, poo poo, water, and blankie cards but she always returned to the demand for the pass!!!!!!

In the end, we made it through night #1 with no pacifier. Our doctor said it would take three nights. I'm mentally preparing for night #2. If you hear the screaming insistent pleas for "Passss!" throughout the neighborhood of Park Slope tonight, you know whose house it's coming from.

(Photo is evidence of her pass addiction. She'll see a pass anywhere--on a stroller, the ergo--and grab it for a quick suck-y fix. It has gotten out of control. And, since she's the size of a 4 yo, I'm tired of the dirty looks from other parents, too....)

Movie Reviews

Finally saw New Moon yesterday. Meh. Not fabulous, but the music was great (esp during the chase scene between Victoria and the wolves). Heart the werewolves. Bella not quite as annoying as Twilight, showed a tad more facial expression but still overly mope-y a a bit of a tease. I mean, seriously, I have had guy friends and I don't nuzzle with them and breathe all over their faces and then not put out, you know? (To clarify: not that I do that and put out, I just don't do that). The film was a tad choppy, and if you hadn't read the book not sure if you'd get some parts, but overall it was an entertaining couple of hours. The setting is just gorgeous and makes me want to leave the East coast.

Best review I have read so far is here.

Also saw Pirate Radio = a very sweet d*ck flick. Great music.
And Good Hair = educational! Learned a lot about Black women's hair--no lie.

Next: Precious. I'm mentally preparing.

Goodbye Pregnancy Hair & Skin

The time has come...

...Nico is 10 weeks old and my hair is falling out by the handfull. I am constantly being tickled by random pieces of hair that linger in my clothes. Nico looks like a baby tumbleweed covered with my hair. I sweep the floor and the broom is matted with hair. My brush needs a daily cleaning, and the drain will certainly soon be clogged.

But, not only my hair falls out--my eyelashes fall out, too. I noticed this on Thanksgiving when I went to put on mascara and I had huge clumps of eyelashes missing. I went and bought volumizing mascara on Friday, but you can't volumize what's not there.

And finally, my skin is so dry I feel like a prune. Besides the lack of pregnancy hormones coursing through my veins, the radiators have come on making everything resemble a tiny Sahara Desert in our apartment. Between nursing, losing the pregnancy skin, and the radiators I feel like I have the skin of a 100 year old woman. I moisturize like it's going out of style, but to no avail. Oh--and I have a few pimples thrown in for good measure. Hawt.

I remember this all happening around the beginning of September after Alexandra's birth, and my hair came back in as did my eyelashes, I just had to endure the shedding for a few weeks. I will certainly miss my pregnacy hair and skin. It makes me kinda sad that I won't experience them again. Boo.