Mr. Verizon

For those of you who haven't read of my recent testosterone-filled body and the increased friskiness it has caused, please reference here. For those who have, read on.

Last week I was given the ludicrous task of waiting for the Verizon guy to come hook up our DSL. Verizon is so generous that they give you a window of 8-5pm. I was not happy with this, but seeing as they "accidently" turned off our DSL a week early and I had been a slave to the few free wireless networks on my block, I was willing to wait so that I could go back to obsessively checking my email and facebook.

Well, luck would have it that Mr. Verizon called to say he'd be here at 10am! I felt totally liberated and relieved. Until Mr. Verizon walked through the door. MEOW!

DISCLAIMER: I have never had a hot service guy before. Cute, yes. Nice tush, sure. But the whole package....this was a first.

Mr. Verizon was tan, he was muscular, he had a sexy accent I couldn't place, he was friendly, had great teeth, was wearing a leather tool belt (I have a thing for men with tools)...I was literally giggling and starry-eyed and watching him like a hawk as he walked around our tiny apartment trying to figure out where to install the DSL wire. I was trying to be cool, but it probably wasn't working. I'm sure I came across as a lioness stalking some prey.

But the package became complete when Mr. Verizon pulled out the drill to end all drills, with a drill bit that was literally a foot and half long---oh my...the phallic symbolism was just overwhelming. He shoved that baby through our entire brownstone wall, muscles flexing, and I felt like I was at the beginning of a bad porno flick. I stood there with my mouth agape.

I recalled the story to hubby that night, literally salivating as I described Mr. Verizon, and he laughed at how insane I must have looked--big pregnant woman oggling Mr. Verizon. Husband is really getting a kick out of my hormonal surges lately.

And, today when moving, I heard a weird noise. I looked in the backyard and there was Mr. Verizon hanging from a telephone pole, looking like he should be wearing a thong instead of beige work pants...Can't say I didn't stop and stare for a while.