Birth-day Deep Thoughts

There's something about a birthday after having given birth--it's never really quite the same. At least that's how I have felt the past two years, and, coincidentally, now that I am friends and have a relationship with the woman who gave birth to me, the whole concept of me emerging from some woman's womb is much more concrete.

I have these moments of revelation in this pregnancy that just sneak up on me. I guess, unlike with Alexandra for whom I took birth classes, read an insane amount of books, and prepped endlessly for her entry, this pregnancy has been somewhat devoid of birth talk. The talk is more centered around logistics--Do I qualify for FMLA? How will we ever afford my unpaid maternity leave? How much is Cobra coverage for health insurance? Very little has been discussed about the boy actually coming out of me...

But I have been thinking of that today. This little fella has to come out at some point, and it's up to me, my body, and my gracious and loving husband, midwife, and friends (make-shift doulas!) to help me get him out. Who knows what will happen when that day is upon us...it's totally out of our hands and that drives me crazy. But out he will come, and then that day will be his birthday.

I think mothers really should get massive credit on the days their kids are born. Having just celebrated Alexandra's 2nd, it's becoming hard to remember who I was before her dark head of hair emerged and practically knocked me unconscious in the process. I am sure that having the boy will be an equally life altering experience. Women are truly reborn as mothers the day their kids come out. It's transformative in a million different ways.

So, while I am 35 today, I am thinking a lot of my babes, the woman who had the courage to bring me into this world even though she knew she couldn't keep me, and my mom, who didn't adopt me until December 13th, which is guess is yet another birthday of mine. Wow. What a crazy, tangled web life is...