Weaning Woes

I am weaning my sweet Nico. He is 10 1/2 months old now and, according to our pediatrician, can have cow's milk. I just wanted to avoid the whole formula thing b/c I think formula smells gross (there's something about the smell of it that makes me gag), and each time I gave Nico formula his poop turned black and he was super constipated. But the time has come.

Let me say that I am ready to wean. One, I am NOT going to pump breastmilk in the disgusting bathroom of our teacher's lounge ever again. I had to do it for six months with each kid, and it was gross. Two, I am very ready to have my body fully back. I have been pregnant or breastfeeding since February 2006 (this includes my miscarriage) with only two 3 month breaks; I am ready to be done. Lastly, Nico won't really nurse during the day anymore. As much as breasts are much easier to tote around than milk and bottles, he is simply not getting any milk from me during the day b/c he's too interested to everyone else and moving. Did I mention he finally started crawling last week? Yep. The boy is inchworming at lightening speed.

I am gradually stopping pumping. Last week I stopped the 11pm pump. This week I stopped one daytime pump. Next week I'm going to try not to pump during the day. This is all pretty painful. My breasts get full (which is just ironic b/c I was barely producing any milk--why do they feel so full?), it feels like I can't breathe, if Alexandra or Nico bump one of my breasts I want to cry, and I'm depressed. Yep, depressed.

I'm not depressed b/c I'm weaning or that Nico is growing up. I love that baby boy so much and I will miss the intimacy of nursing, but he is such a hugger that I think he'll always cuddle with me. Also, I'm so excited to see him develop into a toddler, then a boy. But I am literally physiologically depressed. My hormones are going bonkers, my thicker, curly hair is all falling out (Cathleen--it's like you said!), and I feel crampy and period-y (Haven't had my period in 19 months--glorious). I'm melancholy for no reason. I'm whiny. I'm bitchy. I'm just fun in female form.

Thank god for the internet to justify my insanity. This is from kellymom.com, the best breastfeeding website in the world:

It's not unusual to feel tearful, sad or mildly depressed after weaning; some moms also experience mood swings. These feelings are usually short-term and should go away in a few weeks. This is caused, in part, by hormonal changes. One of the changes that occurs with weaning is a drop in prolactin levels. Prolactin, the hormone that stimulates milk production, also brings with it a feeling of well-being, calmness and relaxation. The faster the weaning process the more abrupt the shift in hormone levels, and the more likely that you will experience adverse effects.

So please excuse any crazy, blue, or nasty blog posts--it's my hormones. I'm having weaning woes.

(Photo of Alexandra nursing tiny baby right when Nico came home. I wonder if she'll continue to nurse her babies when I'm done?)