Xena: The cat, the myth, the legend

Xena, our cat, has struggled since we moved into our new place. In our old apartment, she pretty much had an entire floor to herself. When Alexandra would pull out her can of two year old kitty cat whoop ass, Xena could gracefully scale the baby gate that kept our daughter from tumbling head-first down a spiral staircase and retire to the sub-basement. It didn't bother her that it smelled of cat litter or was a tad musty; it was her paradise.

In mid-July we moved next door, to a smaller apartment with literally no area free of the two-year old's reign, and I have watched Xena morph into a whiny, whoosy cat who just lets Alexandra violate her and she looks to me and cries. My response is always, "Xena--you're a CAT, either run away or scratch her...Not a big scratch, just a tiny scratch that'll be a deterrent, but come on--you're a CAT!" Needless to say, lecturing your cat amounts to nothing. Alexandra tortures the poor cat from "petting" her (ripping out fur) to "carrying" her (picking her up by the fur) to "hugging" her (body slamming the cat) and "kissing" her (body slam with head butting). You get the idea. Xena has not once scratched or bit Alexandra. Crazy, but 100% true.

About three weeks ago, Xena disappeared and I can't say I was sad. I have loved Xena, but I am tired to playing referee between her and Alexandra, I'm tired of the cat hair that seems to permeate every inch of our 1-bedroom apartment that never gets under control, and I feel bad for Xena, who will most likely live out her years being tortured by our kids. After all, Xena will be 13 this fall...

...So when she disappeared, I figured it was Xena giving us the kitty middle finger, the "see ya suckas!" I thought she figured I was hugely pregnant and bringing another one into the fold to make her life miserable, and she was putting her paw down. We looked for her in earnest for about two weeks, and then figured either she had gone away to commit kitty suicide or had found a nice old lady who would feed her wet food and let her watch TV in peace. I felt she was truly at a better place--either option.

Then around 8pm last night I get a call. Xena had been found; she somehow got trapped in the boiler room of the house behind ours for THREE WEEKS. Adam went to retrieve her--she was pitch black (necessitated seven baths!) and skinny, but very healthy and walked back in here like, "What?"

Xena--I swear, this kitty has more than 9 lives on her. Anyone want to remove her from this space for her remaining lives?