the skin down there

I don't have great skin. I know this. I don't have horrid skin, either, but my years of poolside lingering sans sunscreen and slathered with tanning oil during my suburban upbringing which pretty much started when I was five and ended when I was 21 (a lifeguard), followed by more years of continuous tanning (because you definitely look thinner with a tan!) have definitely left their mark on my face. Not much I can do about it now.

Each year when we do collages in my English classes, some kid finds that advertisement for botox which claims you should not have parentheses on your face, and the students says, "Miss, you have these!" Yeah, I know. Thanks for reminding me.

I have a girlfriend Julia who literally has the most beautiful skin of anyone I know. When I was out visiting her in Colorado once, we went for these free mini-facials at the Clinique counter. Why not? I swear to you, the Clinique woman asked me if I was Julia's mom. No lie. I was friggin' pregnant! Julia and I are four months apart in age--her being older! WTF? And then the woman proceeded to put so much make-up on me that I looked like a drag queen. Not a great day for my ego.

With this in mind, let me take you to the recent present. In the hospital, a very cool midwife came in to give our boy the big snip of circumcision (spare me your circumcision opinions, if you're feeling inclined) and we were chatting. She had birthed a 10 lb baby the day before to a first time mama with no tears or stitches on the mama. I had just had a 9lb 4oz baby with no tears or stitches. Alexandra was 9lbs 8oz, my first babe, and I had one stitch. Adam commented that midwives were amazing, and being ever so humble she said, "It's not the midwife, some people just have good skin down there. You eat a diet of soda and Doritos, and I'll see it in your vagina."

Well, I might have look like an advertisement for botox or be able to pass as the mother of my same-age friends, but I've got good skin in a place that counts.