As much as Facebook gets a lot of criticism and mockery from the masses, I adore it. I have caught up with so many old friends, and I feel much more connected to those with whom I have always been close. I have shared recipes, advice, and been witness to the ups and downs of others' lives. I totally understand why some folks don't like the level of transparency that comes with Facebook, but I embrace it.
Through FB, I reconnected with the first boy I majorly crushed on in high school, now a grown successful man, and watched him travel around Europe with friends via photos, saw him shuttled down a mountain after breaking his leg via video, participated in the healing process via encouraging wall messages...It has been super nice to reconnect to this guy whom I held very highly in my youth only to find that he's still a good guy. To me, it makes life make sense; it fosters a continuum of sorts.
This guy recently lost his dad. Having lost my father when I was 22, I feel deeply when others lose parents, particularly dads. I know losing a dad is different for everyone, different for a son than a daughter, and so forth, but I ache for my peers when I hear of them losing parents. A literal ache bubbles up in my chest.
But what really moved me about witnessing his loss via Facebook was a photo he posted yesterday--a congregation of his guy friends, most of who went to high school with us--who came out for his dad's memorial service. Dressed in dark colored suits and looking like men instead of the boys I knew them as, they posed with my friend on the day his family memorialized his dad. I haven't been able to stop thinking of this photo and now I know why:
When you lose a parent at a younger age, your friends don't know how to react. It's awkward...You're too young to have the sensibilities to know what to say, what to do, and it's just a mess of emotions on how you should handle it. Many of my friends didn't even acknowledge my dad's death, and as I shuffled through the summer after he passed I never knew how to bring it up even though it was all I thought of. I had a couple friends who came to his funeral (to whom I am eternally grateful), but most people politely avoided the topic. And honestly, that made it worse.
But now that we're older, we are wiser. We can stand by our friends when their parents get sick, or when our friends get sick, or when their parents die, or when they lose a friend, a spouse, a pregnancy...In all the instances where life ends. Nobody ever knows what to say, but we know now to say something. To reach out. To be there. Because not acknowledging loss is worse than the loss itself.
I guess that means we're the grown-ups now.
May my friend's dad rest in peace. I never knew him, but he raised a great son who was even a kind, funny, and smart person when I met him in middle school (a time when most kids are not decent people!). As a new parent, I feel that is testament to a life well lived.
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Great post Lori.
ReplyDeleteIt really was a great day of celebration of family, friends and the meaning of being together with the ones you love most. His father "Hal" was brought up numerous times throughout the day and how he would be so proud and moved that we were all celebrating his life, accomplishments, wife, children, grandchildren, sense of humor and wit. We stayed together well into the night and talked, hugged, smiled and laughed.
The strength, compassion and composure of our dear friend was and is admirable. He is a great guy, a great friend with a heart bigger than the skies.
We will certainly miss Hal, but we have his creation... his son to share our lives with.
so beautiful, lori! tears in my eyes.
ReplyDeleteWOW Lori - I just saw this as I was looking at his pictures. What a beautiful post you have made, the picture and you post have moved me to tears. I used to have a major crush on him too! And though it is years later, and I never knew, I am sorry for the loss of your Dad too...Hugs.
ReplyDeleteLisa (Harrison)