I am in agony at this crossroads.
So, here I am, 35 years old, 99% sure that I am done having children, and I have a good 10+ years of potential fertility left. I have to do something a tad more foolproof than condoms to ensure that we don't get pregnant again, especially when you consider that we have gotten pregnant twice using condoms (our miscarriage and nico). Obviously Adam and I are not exactly model condom users. With that in mind, there are two options: IUD or for hubby to get the big snip of vasectomy.
Neither option appeals to me.
IUD: I don't like the idea of a random piece of plastic wrapped in copper floating around in my uterus. Nor do I like what I have read of IUDs online. Granted, yes, I understand that only folks who are freakin' miserable post of their horrifying IUD experiences online, but those posts have scared the bejesus out of me. And, quite honestly, it does not seem right. Shoving a T-shaped hijacker in through and into your most important girl part just. seems. wrong. Sorry. I know some folks love it, and maybe I'm a purist, but ICKY. And the side effects...Don't even get me started.
THE BIG V: Adam is more than willing to undergo the big snip. He is 100% sure he does not want three kids, and I am 99% sure that I agree with him. And it's not that I feel bad about him ending his fertile life--the guy obviously is potent and has used his forces for good. But here's where I sound like a crazy lady: I feel if he gets snipped, I'm going to die in the next 10 years and he'll remarry, want to have kids with hot young wife #2, and then he'll resent our decision. In some sicko way, I feel if he gets snipped I will die, a Murphy's Law of vasectomy. I know I should venture into therapy for this crazy fatalistic thought processes, but I can't help it. I guess I have known too many healthy, happy folks just up and die in my life to think otherwise.
I am surprised at how much agony this decision is causing me. I have been menstruating regularly since I was 11 1/2--that's TWENTY FOUR YEARS!!!!!--and I used my body for childbearing purposes for a total of three years. I feel so thankful for my fertility and my healthy pregnancies and beautiful children, but I wish I could just somehow turn this business off without hormones, surgery, or intra-uterine devices.
UGH.
I think you're over-thinking the big V. It's easily reversible, and even if there IS a hot young wife #2 (which, hey, let's think positive and assume there won't be!), he'll have two kids of his own then and will need to think long and hard about signing on for another baby. And he can do all that thinking while he's having the reversal! Seriously, you've had three pregnancies and birthed two babies - I vote for you not having to be responsible for birth control any more.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, consider this cautionary tale: my father's mother grew up on a farm and was always dispensing country wisdom. Specifically, she always blamed my father's weight gain on the fact that my mother "made him" get a vasectomy. Her words: "Well, you know how you fatten up a steer, right? You get him fixed! And that's what happened to your daddy." Right.
You could just try using foam with condoms every time. It's not great for spontaneity, but it is very effective!
ReplyDeletei am TOTALLY of the mindset that this is not the woman's responsibility any longer. i went through basically 4 straight years of not having my body to myself (miscarriages, fertility drugs, pregnancies, breastfeeding) that when we knew we were done, i told dear hubby in no uncertain terms that i was ready to have my body back. he got the vasectomy and we haven't thought about it since. (side note: i was excited to have a chance to read a magazine in the waiting room while he had it done. i did not even finish an article in us weekly -- us weekly! how long can those be?! -- before he was done and ready to go home. it's super easy.) one thing i will say is that we waited one full year post-birth of #2 before we did it. i just felt like giving it a year before doing anything gave us some perspective and fully cemented the fact that we were done.
ReplyDeletegood luck in your decision! (i'm guessing the pill is not an option, as you weigh your choices?)
I think we are there with you Sara. Great tips. -the hubby.
ReplyDelete