Memorial Day

Memorial Day, in my world, usually consists of being outside and celebrating the beginning of summer with friends. I don't have a history of military folks in my family, and while I am thankful for those in the military past and present, the holiday doesn't resonate for me in that sense.

But Memorial Day gained new meaning two years ago when right after Memorial Day weekend, on May 31st, my close friend and even closer neighbor died unexpectedly of a heart attack. He was 34, healthy, vegetarian, and more full of life than most people I know. He left behind my dear friend Kat, who was suddenly a 32 year old widow and then found out she was pregnant. She gave birth to a beautiful baby boy 9 months later and became a single mom--something she had never anticipated.

Two years later, grief is a very different thing. While I think of Eric daily, I can't deny that we have moved on in many ways at this point. It's just inevitable. Life doesn't freeze...ever...it has a momentum that pulls you along for the ride, whether you like the new circumstances or not.

Nothing has illustrated that more for me than having a baby. Alexandra was born almost a month after Eric died and our lives were changed by her forever. While we were in the throes of palpable grief, a joy we had never experienced came into our lives and that joy grows daily as Alexandra becomes more and more her own person. We had our daughter amid a community of good friends who also had kids all around the same time, and watching these tiny babies grow into little people gives you a whole new respect for life, time, and love. I wish Eric could have experienced that first-hand.

I guess this rambling post was meant to illustrate what I have learned from Eric's passing, two years after the fact. But I can't separate what I learned from his loss from what I learned as I became a parent--the two things have somehow become strangely intertwined. What I do know, though, is that life is precious but finite. And as much as that terrifies me, I feel it helps me be a better mother, partner, and friend.

(Photo of flowers above was the last email Eric sent me. He had bought a fancy camera on Memorial Day weekend out in Long Island and was experimenting with it. The photo is of our flower box. It not only reminds me of Eric, but it also illustrates that I once had a green thumb before having a baby. Now my plants (and cat) hardly ever get watered.)

(Coverage on the PS 6 Eric Dutt Ecocenter!)