Questioning

Teaching 9th grade is quite a different kettle of fish than teaching 11th and 12th grade (what I have been doing the last 9 years). I like to think that I am a good teacher, a natural if you will. I love teaching, I love my students, and even when the sh*t hits the fan I can usually come out smiling or joking or drinking a beer to the absurdity results from the free public education of the masses. But man, these 9th graders are really pushing me.

Granted, the kids have had a permanent sub for 3+ months, they have had to transition back to me, and not to mention that they're 9th graders and therefore ridiculously immature, horny, compulsive, and pretty much have no impulse control over their mouths or bodies. Yeah, it's THAT bad. Now try teaching them for 90 minutes. It's literally like herding cats.

Now, I could find this all just a challenge if it weren't for the fact that I literally have to race out of the building and back home after school, nurse Nico, grab the stroller, pick up Alexandra by 4:30 from daycare, then haul them back home, make dinner, clean up, pack her lunch, nurse Nico again, and start a bath before Adam gets home at 7pm. Please be reminded that Alexandra is 2 1/2 and in full on challenging mode complied with some sibling jealousy that causes her to go buck wild as soon as I pick up Nico or put him on the tit.

So Monday night after work (and work, actually) just sucked. Alexandra was AWFUL and my temper with her was short. After she went to sleep, I felt guilty that I hadn't been more compassionate with her. She is, after all, only two. She is doing what a twos year old does, but the trouble is that my 9th graders are ALSO doing what two year old do therefore when I get home to my daughter I'm just sick of two year old sh*t. You know?

And for the first time in my 10 years of teaching, I questioned as to if this is a profession I should be in while I have small kids. I am not sure I have it in me to give my patience out all day long and have enough for my kids when I get home. I NEVER want to be one of those parents who brings their beef with work home with them...Today was better and I had a great day both at work and at home, but I feel shaken by my questioning.